narcissist nightmare boss

How To Cope With Your Nightmare Boss

Posted on 29th November 2015 in Change Management, Communication Skills Training, Critical Conversations, Emotional Intelligence, Management Training

The Narcissist can often be found employed in a senior role – I was somewhat surprised to learn this as I figured authoritarian leadership had had its day. It’s difficult to say if this personality attribute has specifically helped them along the way to the top. We all possess some narcissism, indeed we all need an element of it in terms of being able to use and display a degree of agency in the world.

“It’s not easy being superior to everyone I know” – anon

What is a Narcissist?

An individual characterised by craving to be the centre of attention constantly, a very extreme form of self-centredness, having grandiose fantasies of one’s achievements and talents and consequently lacking care and concern for others. Like confidence or self esteem, we all need a dash of it, so we’re all somewhere on the spectrum. But a considerable excess results in behavioural challenges for everyone which is even more acute when the narcissist in question is your boss..!

Narcissists typically:

1. Score low on compassion
2. Are terrible listeners because it’s all about them and don’t you forget it.
3. Don’t take kindly to criticism
4. Believe it’s everyone else’s fault so are incapable of saying sorry, my bad, apologies…
5. Manipulate others in order to get whatever they want
You might be able to walk away from this person in your social life, but if the world of work has thrust this dynamic upon you and especially if you have a nightmare boss, then you’re going to have to find a way to cope. How?

How To Deal With a Narcissist Boss

1. Remember you’re not going to be best friends, (although narcissists can be very charming to get what they want) and that the narcissist’s behaviour affects everyone in their orbit – as a consequence nothing they do should not be taken personally

2. Avoid blaming the narcissist too directly for anything. If a workplace issue arises, use a simple open question to frame the problem eg. “So why didn’t we win the pitch?” “What was the main reason?” etc.

3. Use statements like “I feel…” or “When x happens, the impact on me is y…” By articulating the emotional impact on you of a workplace issue, the narcissist is immediately uncomfortable – they have a tendency to avoid opening up emotionally and feel uneasy when those around them do, which is probably connected to deep seated low self-esteem. But whatever you do, don’t point this out to them..!
4. After any work related challenge has been assessed, the narcissist may feel stuck in problem mode. The best way forward is to be positive and present solutions. If a range of potential solutions can be offerd up, so much the better. The narcissist can often get fixated on just the problem, only their place in the team or perhaps only one possible solution. So by offering up a range of possibilities you are gently nudging their inflexible mindset into considering other approaches.
5. Massage their ego whenever there isn’t a better option – dangerous as you further embed their sense of superiority but hey you’re not their therapist, you’re just trying to get through your working day.

Empathy

Narcissists often lack empathy, focus on themselves, struggle with relationships and lack trust in others. A lack therefore of fundamental leadership skills. So as hard as it may be, spare a thought for your nightmare boss – surely it’s not easy being so emotionally disconnected? Your empathy and problem solving could win the day and ensure you don’t lose your head in dealing with it all.
Try this quick personality test to see how you score on the narcissist spectrum http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/narcissistic.htm
Sartaj Garewal is the founder of Dynamic Presenting – a creative, leadership development consultancy, adapting theatre training to create leadership programs for business.

Dynamic Presenting – Enabling Powerful Communication

Tags: , , , , , , ,