Posts Tagged ‘Critical Conversations’

defensive behaviour

Defensive Behaviour – Understanding Defensiveness…
Posted on 1st February 2017 in Communication Skills Training, Critical Conversations, Emotional Intelligence, Leadership Development

Defensive behaviour in the workplace is tricky to manage, where a siege mentality becomes the operating system for some people. Defensiveness may at times be the most effective behaviour to exhibit and equally when it is our habitual, subconscious and reflexive way of dealing with challenges and surprises, it can lead to difficulties – we don’t take on other perspectives and ideas, we insist that we are being hard done by, we prevent ourselves from actively seeking out challenges, opportunities and ultimately it is our own growth that becomes stunted.

Common Defensive Behaviours

Masking – often displayed as sarcasm, where true thoughts/feelings are only shared piecemeal

Avoiding – avoiding dialogue about the pertinent issue(s)

Withdrawing – ejecting out of the conversation and perhaps physically leaving the space

Assertiveness

To some extent we are hard wired for self protection and defensive behaviour is a natural consequence. And as assertiveness – viewed as the mid point between fight and flight – is a learnt position, we often revert towards either passive or aggressive tendencies when the pressure is on. It is a uniquely human phenomenon. Animals don’t do assertiveness..!

Resolving Conflict

Holding on to a defensive attitude is an exhausting task. And in not dealing with things directly can lead to behaviours that in turn affect the working relationship somewhat more indirectly and make things worse. So it becomes much harder to untangle various legacy issues and resolve the key underlying dispute. Everything becomes confused by this historical baggage. All mediation processes seek to untangle this

Addressing points of conflict with a constructive mindset leads to resolution and often to stronger relationships as trust is forged

Situational Perspectives

People who are more prone to defensive behaviour may perceive an attack in certain situations in which people with resilient and calm temperaments would perceive none. This brings in to play the notion of true empathy. Really being able to visualise the other person’s perspective… of course this is what actors do all day long in creating truthful characters from words on scripts. Understanding situational perspectives in other words.

How we innately or automatically recieve feedback or criticism plays a big part too – this is often embedded since our formative years in our dealings with parents, teachers and anyone who had a position of authority over us. We tend to make active choices to like, dislike, forgive etc. In so doing we adopt positions about other people and workplace issues.

“Resentment, like blame and regret is looking backwards”

Being closed-minded when challenged or given critical feedback detracts from learning and leadership. It is vital to consciously make space to improve self awareness, accept feedback from others, working through points of conflict with open, honest dialogue… This is how we learn, change our defensive behaviour and ultimately, grow.

Fear underpins it all. the first step away from fear is to register our automatic reactions and then mindfully make adjustments. It doesn’t take a lot of time to notice our typical responses but it takes a lot of time, conscious practice and nurturing to enable new fledgling habits to grow and supercede the old defensive ways.

Sartaj Garewal is the founder of Dynamic Presenting – a creative, leadership development consultancy, adapting theatre training to create leadership programs for business.

Dynamic Presenting – Enabling Powerful Communication

narcissist nightmare boss

How To Cope With Your Nightmare Boss
Posted on 29th November 2015 in Change Management, Communication Skills Training, Critical Conversations, Emotional Intelligence, Management Training

The Narcissist can often be found employed in a senior role – I was somewhat surprised to learn this as I figured authoritarian leadership had had its day. It’s difficult to say if this personality attribute has specifically helped them along the way to the top. We all possess some narcissism, indeed we all need an element of it in terms of being able to use and display a degree of agency in the world.

“It’s not easy being superior to everyone I know” – anon

What is a Narcissist?

An individual characterised by craving to be the centre of attention constantly, a very extreme form of self-centredness, having grandiose fantasies of one’s achievements and talents and consequently lacking care and concern for others. Like confidence or self esteem, we all need a dash of it, so we’re all somewhere on the spectrum. But a considerable excess results in behavioural challenges for everyone which is even more acute when the narcissist in question is your boss..!

Narcissists typically:

1. Score low on compassion
2. Are terrible listeners because it’s all about them and don’t you forget it.
3. Don’t take kindly to criticism
4. Believe it’s everyone else’s fault so are incapable of saying sorry, my bad, apologies…
5. Manipulate others in order to get whatever they want
You might be able to walk away from this person in your social life, but if the world of work has thrust this dynamic upon you and especially if you have a nightmare boss, then you’re going to have to find a way to cope. How?

How To Deal With a Narcissist Boss

1. Remember you’re not going to be best friends, (although narcissists can be very charming to get what they want) and that the narcissist’s behaviour affects everyone in their orbit – as a consequence nothing they do should not be taken personally

2. Avoid blaming the narcissist too directly for anything. If a workplace issue arises, use a simple open question to frame the problem eg. “So why didn’t we win the pitch?” “What was the main reason?” etc.

3. Use statements like “I feel…” or “When x happens, the impact on me is y…” By articulating the emotional impact on you of a workplace issue, the narcissist is immediately uncomfortable – they have a tendency to avoid opening up emotionally and feel uneasy when those around them do, which is probably connected to deep seated low self-esteem. But whatever you do, don’t point this out to them..!
4. After any work related challenge has been assessed, the narcissist may feel stuck in problem mode. The best way forward is to be positive and present solutions. If a range of potential solutions can be offerd up, so much the better. The narcissist can often get fixated on just the problem, only their place in the team or perhaps only one possible solution. So by offering up a range of possibilities you are gently nudging their inflexible mindset into considering other approaches.
5. Massage their ego whenever there isn’t a better option – dangerous as you further embed their sense of superiority but hey you’re not their therapist, you’re just trying to get through your working day.

Empathy

Narcissists often lack empathy, focus on themselves, struggle with relationships and lack trust in others. A lack therefore of fundamental leadership skills. So as hard as it may be, spare a thought for your nightmare boss – surely it’s not easy being so emotionally disconnected? Your empathy and problem solving could win the day and ensure you don’t lose your head in dealing with it all.
Try this quick personality test to see how you score on the narcissist spectrum http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/narcissistic.htm
Sartaj Garewal is the founder of Dynamic Presenting – a creative, leadership development consultancy, adapting theatre training to create leadership programs for business.

Dynamic Presenting – Enabling Powerful Communication

choosing habits success

Habits – Choosing Successful Habits for Self Development…
Posted on 17th November 2015 in Communication Skills Training, Executive Coaching, Leadership Development, Management Training

 “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit” Aristotle

Habits are certain embedded patterns of thought or action. Something we replay over and again automatically. They can be conscious or unconscious actions. Procrastination is a particular habit of mine. It took me ages to get my act together to write this blog post today..! 

The advertising industry has long understood how to introduce consumption of products to us via Inculcation – repeated messaging until our subconscious demands we buy anything and everything with Peppa Pig splattered on it – seriously, watch the trance kids go into anytime the famous pig is on TV and the consequent “must buy impulse” triggered when they see related merchandise. For my own part I have managed to make cycling, herbal tea and yoga regular habits. But I’ve also started cracking my knuckles and still get the odd chocolate bar in. Maybe every time we succeed in introducing a positive change we also get a corresponding negative habit to balance things out..?

Established Patterns

“Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into but hard to get out of” Anon

Changing or breaking any habit needs to begin with awareness and identifying these repeated patterns or routines that exist. This can be trickier than it sounds as our ego does its utmost to reject that smoking twenty cigarettes per day is actually an entrenched pattern resulting in self deluded commentary such as “Oh smoking? No that’s not a serious habit for me. Honestly I could give that up easily. No, I need to focus on my habit of never calling people back, it’s terrible.” These are deeply entrenched and defensive positions – it’s taken potentially hundreds, thousands of repetitions to establish the current habit – where we fear being exposed, losing our not so secret crutch and dread our world changing forever. Change however, is the only constant.

Going to the gym regularly, meditating for 15 minutes in the morning…. are all habits too. It’s just that they result in positive and societally approved change. Which is why we desire them but they take commitment and hard work so just one more pint and fag and I’ll catch you up on that hill run..promise..!

Charles Duhigg’s illuminating book How Habits Work http://charlesduhigg.com/how-habits-work/ cites the trigger, routine, reward loop which goes a bit like this:

1. Trigger that kicks things off

2. Routine ie. the habit/behaviour itself

3. Benefit received from the action/behaviour

Changing Behaviours

As this is the way in which habits bcome cemented within us, it is also the way to establish new behaviours. So if the sight of a Crunchie wrapper near a waste bin in the street means we have to get that sugar hit NOW as an immediate Pavlovian response is activated, then similarly we need to consciously introduce different visual triggers into our world – a bowl of cashews next to the fridge, satsumas next to the pc, gym kit ready and waiting next to the door etc. if we are to ever change our ways.

As is well documented sheer willpower alone doesn’t work for most of us. We are magnetically pulled back into our well practiced old behaviours unless we go out of our way to create systems that actively promote the new way of doing things. A self created advertising campaign aimed at just ourselves.

Coaching as a Solution

“All bad habits start slowly and gradually and before you know you have the habit, the habit has you” – Zig Zaglar

Working with a trusted coach can help to identify existing habits, clarify new goals, work out the road map to achieving those goals and crucially provide ongoing support and guidance. Is it any surprise then, that most successful people and many of those in positions of leadership use executive coaches to help them in reaching their goals? Not really.

 

Sartaj Garewal is the founder of Dynamic Presenting – a creative, leadership development consultancy, adapting theatre training to create leadership programs for business.

Dynamic Presenting – Enabling Powerful Communication

 

office politics blame game

Office Politics – 5 Steps to End the Blame Game…
Posted on 26th October 2015 in Communication Skills Training, Critical Conversations, Emotional Intelligence, Employee Engagement, Executive Coaching

“Hell is other people” – Jean Paul Sartre

Office politics – we’re all used to this at least playing out in the background of the workspace like a constant din where different personalities crash into each other – if we’re not directly involved ourselves that is. So, how do we set about nullifying poisonous office politics and creating a more wholesome atmosphere?

1. Start with the heart – get everything out in the open. Yes, it’s easier said than done but what’s the alternative? To let toxic office politics get even worse until people start handing in their notices? Allow everybody to say what they need in an open a way as possible. Everyone in the team or department will either be involved or aware of issues and conflicts. So, it’s vital that everybody speaks and equally vital that you as a leader listen and accept that everybody has a right to their own perspective.

Emapthy is Key…

2. As with all conflict resolution, plenty of empathy and understanding is needed from the leader/manager in such situations. Also, it’s advisable to ask short, open questions to unearth information, get specifics and show that you care and want the best for all involved.
3. Then comes the hard part. Take responsibility for your failings that have contributed to the malaise of office politics. This will set a standard and shows that you’re human. Too many managers and leaders chuck edicts from the anonymity of their cosy managerial office without getting stuck in. In short, if you want them fixed then take ownership of the problems.

Re-Focus Goals…

4. Re-focus the goals – what were those organisational, team and individual goals that everyone was working towards or at least supposed to be working towards? Emphasise the individual goals – ie. what’s in it for everybody. This should be the main motivator to get things back on track.

No Repeat Office Politics…

5. Now everyone can see the wood for the trees and issues have been owned, it’s time to ensure that things don’t go the way of those toxic office politics again. The best way, once again is to involve all the team members in contributing to the best way forward. Once agreed it’s up to the manager/leader to take the reigns in monitoring how things are going and to offer coaching and expertise when/where needed. In other words, frontline leadership.
Sartaj Garewal is the founder of Dynamic Presenting – a creative, leadership development consultancy, adapting theatre training to create leadership programs for business.

Dynamic Presenting – Enabling Powerful Communication

feedback is crucial

Feedback – Receiving is as Crucial as Giving…
Posted on 8th September 2015 in Critical Conversations, Employee Engagement, Executive Coaching, Management Training

Feedback is important as we all know. Both giving it obviously and perhaps less obviously the manner in which we choose to receive it. We all know that giving effective feedback is important and a valuable leadership skill worth developing. Less is said about receiving it though. People are often resistant to receiving developmental feedback, especially if coming from somebody they have had a difficult relationship with. We can however, develop the skill to receive it within ourselves, to the point where we can take positives and worthwhile developmental feedback even when it has been badly delivered.

How To Receive Feedback…

1. By raising our awareness of our own typical behaviour or reaction in given situations. This is far easier said than done as it requires huge self awareness and a level of objectivity about self that few truly possess. However, if I always react with inward derision when say Jeff the manager says anything, then feedback from Jeff tends to be met with the same derision. If I can raise my awareness of this tendency and then try to filter it out when Jeff gives me feedback, then I stand to gain from any valid points he may make as I’ll be open to actually receiving them. 

2. It is quite possible that somebody I don’t like can give me effective feedback which I reject out of hand because of who they are. Pretty much all our interactions with others are subtle status transactions. Therefore, it’s important to try to separate message from messenger as best we can. I should try giving myself the relevant feedback in advance of meeting up and as though I were Jeff – What is he likely to say? Why? Based on what? How accurate a reflection do I think that is? Remember that we actively choose to like or not like individuals and consequently that colours how we view communication with those people.

Establish Dialogue…

3. Establish dialogue and ask questions about the communication and message you’ve received. Get to the specifics of what has been observed and what specific changes are being requested. That way, you’re far more likely to discover any positives to take away. What was said or done? What was the consequence of that action? Was it all positive or negative? How would you suggest things could be done more effectively? Using simple open questions and a coaching approach will elicit the specifics
4. Ask for feedback informally throughout the year instead of waiting for the annual appraisal or performance review. That way you get bite sized bits of feedback, which are far easier to swallow than than one big load annually and you can act on them straight away which should then improve relationships and results. By taking this approach you’ll come across as appropriately proactive and wanting to learn which generally goes down well too.
We have all received feedback numerous times, regardless of how effectively it was communicated. There is real responsibility for leaders to create a culture where people are mindful of how they receive it as well.
Sartaj Garewal is the founder of Dynamic Presenting – a creative, leadership development consultancy, adapting theatre training to create leadership programs for business.

Dynamic Presenting – Enabling Powerful Communication

Art & Business

Negotiation – How to Negotiate and Get Paid More…
Posted on 26th June 2015 in Communication Skills Training, Critical Conversations, Leadership Development, Management Training

Negotiation is a fundamental skill and something we do all the time in life, sometimes unconsciously. Even more crucial to negotiate well when you want a pay rise. The key to successful negotiation, regardless of what is at stake is navigating the other person’s emotions. So our old friends active listening, empathy, rapport, behavioral change, mirroring energy….all come in useful here.

Some Don’ts…

  • Don’t be afraid to admit and be explicit about what you want. Too often people feel it’s too aggressive or too forward to state in simple terms what they want.
  • Don’t do all the talking in a negotiation. Ensure it’s a dialogue. Use open ended questions and listen to the answers, regardless of how different they are to the ideal answers you have in your head. Listening and observing as you listen are vital – this keeps you in the moment as opposed to formulating your next statement.
  • Don’t say I love this car and then ask for a discount when they can see you’re already emotionally attached. Instead try “I really like this car but it’s out of my budget. What help are you able to offer?’

Things to Try…

  • Be assertive, not aggressive or passive. Remember that assertiveness equals acknowledging and respecting other people’s rights and feelings whilst maintaining your own.
  •  Know your audience – do your research and homework, then formulate a plan and moderate your behaviour accordingly. Try to tune into their frequency rather than doing what you always do. actors always place their focus on their acting partner in a scene as whatever I do or say next depends on whatever you do or say now. So what are their needs, hopes, fears?
  • Acknowledge any emotion in the room – “I’m hearing that this means a lot to you” or “I see this puts you in a difficult position” type statements go a long way to furthering rapport and building mutual trust during a negotiation.
  • Express what you want in terms of the other person’s needs. eg. rather than say “I want X amount” try ” If I have salary X that will enable me to commit fully to the new project”
  • Have a plan B up your sleeve. Have your ideal outcome in mind and also a scenario that you could live with. This makes getting the ideal “plan A” less desperate, less of an all or nothing mission.
  • Do be prepared to walk away from the negotiation if any deal doesn’t fall between your parameters of acceptability

Be Open and Sincere…

Aim to be open and sincere and never aim to rip anyone off – such gung ho, short-termism is poor negotiation which may come back to haunt you. Remember that building a potentially fruitful long term relationship is far more valuable than getting a one-off good deal.
Sartaj Garewal is the founder of Dynamic Presenting – a creative, leadership development consultancy, adapting theatre training to create leadership programs for business.

Dynamic Presenting – Enabling Powerful Communication

mindfulness emotionally aware

Mindfulness… How to Be More Emotionally Aware…
Posted on 28th April 2015 in Communication Skills Training, Emotional Intelligence, Executive Coaching, Leadership Development

Mindfulness seems to be a buzzword of the moment. But putting its “zeitgeistness” to one side, what actually is mindfulness and how can it benefit us?

Amongst an array of definitions, the following is perhaps useful:

“Mindfulness is paying attention to and acknowledging thoughts and emotions as they arise and as they dissipate, thereby savouring the present moment and allowing all else to just be.”

Being In The Moment

Mindfulness is about allowing whatever is taking place within us to take place and to accept that this is happening without judgment and without any internal conversation with ourselves about it. Thereby we live in the only moment that has ever existed, the present moment. To practice conscious awareness is another way of articulating this. Mindfulness is naturally a composite of practices such as meditation, yoga and the martial arts where an inner focus on the breath is fundamental. Thoughts cannot be controlled directly so there’s no point in trying. Equally all thought and emotion is valid and allowable because you are experiencing them.

How To Practice Mindfulness…

So, how does one do it? A simple way to begin is to take 10 minutes first thing in the morning to meditate. Avoid the phone, email, TV, newspaper etc for just a little while. Sit in a comfortable position on the floor, ensure you have quiet around you, place your gaze on a point about one foot in front of you on the floor, smile a little smile and breathe. Now close your eyes and focus on your breathing, allowing all other thoughts, whatever they may be, to come and go like traffic at a roundabout. After a few minutes focus on every sound you can hear around you – breathing, other sounds in the room, the house and then exterior sounds like traffic, passing airplanes etc. Allow your ears to hear these sounds and then let them pass. After 10 minutes, very gradually open your eyes and then slowly get up and begin your day. Congratulations, you’ve just consciously spent very high quality time with yourself and this will act as an anchor throughout your day.
If possible, build a small 5 minute window to do the same as above to help reconnect with that inner peace – especially useful when undergoing stressful times. Many theatre directors will begin a run through in rehearsals with a minute or two of absolute silence before beginning the run, to calm group anxiety. Simple and effective, it seems that often all we have to do is to get out of our own way.
To put in harder leadership terms, conscious awareness or mindfulness refreshes our thought cycle leading to creative thinking and better decision making. We are more prone to listen well to others and practice active listening.

The Benefits of Mindfulness…

1. Enhances productivity, creativity and innovation
2. Fosters a culture of meaningful communication
3. Reduces tension within individuals and within relationships
4. Nurtures the increasingly vital skills of flexibility, adaptability and improvisation
5. Enables us to better manage challenges, pressure and stress
Ask yourself, just how mindful are you? How mindful could you be? Now, are you ready to make the adjustments to gain the benefits?
Sartaj Garewal is the founder of Dynamic Presenting – a creative, leadership development consultancy, adapting theatre training to create leadership programs for business.

Dynamic Presenting – Enabling Powerful Communication

Leadership Development Clients

Emotional Agility… Great Leaders Nurture This…
Posted on 11th August 2014 in Communication Skills Training, Critical Conversations, Emotional Intelligence, Executive Coaching, Leadership Development, Management Training

Emotional agility is a tremendous asset in understanding and influencing others. Great leaders should have the ability to manage their thoughts and feelings. We all have a river of endless thought and emotion flowing through us – there is simply no moment ever, where we find ourselves not having a thought or experiencing an emotion. Managing this flow or nurturing emotional agility is a key attribute of successful leaders.

This never ending inner monologue is composed of all the fundamental emotions, their various deriviatives and a huge menu of contrary thoughts. It took millions of years to create this sophisticated computer system and all these signals are there to support the will to survive – to anticipate issues in advance, adjust in a nano beat our action to suit changing circumstance and ultimately to avoid danger.

Can We Control Our Thoughts & Feelings?

Yet it is impossible to truly control these thoughts and emotions regardless of what many psychologists, kung fu masters or even method actors would possibly have us believe. If we could control our emotions, well we would have nailed it – we would know happiness or euphoria all day, every day. Depression, anxiety and stress would be things of the past and giant pharma conglomerates would have nothing to sell that anyone would want or need.

We don’t fundamentally change who we are in the workplace – some may alter their external behaviour more than others but this repackaging aside, we largely remain ourselves with the same thoughts, emotions, values, actions, reactions, preferences… and so on. In fact with tough deadlines, ambition, competition, limited resources etc all very evident, the workplace is for many a far more pressurised environment where one’s behaviours, based on thought and emotion, become very obvious.

Self-Awareness & Acknowledging Emotions

Picture a manager in an office who routinely becomes angry and screams and belittles his team when a piece of seemingly inadequate work is submitted. Repeated anger when faced with certain trigger points has embedded this behaviour to the point of reflex. This manager could become far more effective, for himself and others, if he could acknowledge the thoughts and emotions that occur, recognise patterns of embedded behaviour, make a conscious decision to accept those thoughts and emotions and then make a conscious decision to behave differently. A clear case of a manager who utterly lacks emotional agility.

Self awareness needs time and space to develop and our manager desperately needs to make that time and space. Only from quiet can come introspection and awareness of the self – the reason there are so many closed eyes exercises in yoga is to take focus deep within oneself. And to some extent he needs to realise that he is stuck in a pattern of behaviour himself. 360 degree feedbacks are well and good but our manager needs to have that realisation for himself if he is ever to willingly make changes.

Pausing, Re-Labelling, Reframing…

Then he needs to be willing to take a giant pause the next time a trigger point takes him to his routine expression of immediate anger. Pause literally for a minute or two and focus on the thoughts and feelings that he is experiencing. It is vital to acknowledge that these thoughts and feelings are taking place. This acknowledging is the basis of mindfulness or meditation and the start point to consciously develop emotional agility.

Equally vital is that he re-labels the thought “my stupid team have screwed up again..” into “I’m having the thought that my stupid team have screwed up again..” Simple but very necessary in creating a little distance between the thought and emotion on one side and the reaction on the other. This re-labelling will allow him to see that these thoughts and emotions are transient. He then needs to accept that they occurred and that he experienced them without any sense of judgement of himself or the team.

Nurture Emotional Agility…

Have the thought, acknowledge that you had the thought, accept the thought and then let the thought leave as freely as it arrived. In doing so our manager would now be able to make a choice in how he behaves, reacts and expresses himself, a choice which hitherto was not available. That is the stuff of emotional agility and of real leadership.

Sartaj Garewal is the founder of Dynamic Presenting – a creative, leadership development consultancy, adapting theatre training to create leadership programs for business.

Dynamic Presenting – Enabling Powerful Communication

leader or manager which are you

Manager or Leader… Which One Are You…?
Posted on 14th July 2014 in Change Management, Critical Conversations, Executive Coaching, Leadership Development, Management Training

There has been a huge explosion in the number of people with manager somewhere in their job description in the post war period. Everyone’s a supposed manager these days. Arguably, many are under an illusion of importance. When vast swaths of middle management are removed from organisations, usually very little changes begging the question what did they ever do in the first place? But try removing those on the shop floor who actually make the widgets and see how immediately productivity is affected. Also, try to run a large company, football team or school choir without real leadership and notice how quickly the organisation loses its way and stops performing.

There are reams of studies given over to the differences between leadership and management. In brief the manager maintains where the leader develops, the manager administers where the leader innovates and the manager controls where the leader inspires.

Real Leadership

So, perhaps there are only a few positions of real leadership – probably you can only ever have so many cooks – therefore only a few chosen individuals out of the many who call themselves a manager, can ever hope to ascend to the position of a leader. So what are the traits that only those select few have beyond their peers?

The Difference Between a Leader and a Manager

Here’s an attempt at distinguishing the necessary traits between a leader and a manager:

Managers – reactive, controlling, prescriptive, maintaining the status quo, putting in the hours and graft, disciplining, running things, dealing with the nitty gritty, risk averse, authoritarian

Leaders – big picture, creative, inspirational, risk taking, strategic, unique, charismatic, proactive, breaks rules, gives credit.

Many people, possibly most, approach there managerial careers in a manner that means they won’t ever be considered as future leaders. Might be a good manager but leadership is made of rarer stuff it seems.

It almost seems that real leaders have more in common with artists than with hard headed corporate managers which neatly returns us to the notion that art and business have a lot to learn from each other yet.

Sartaj Garewal is the founder of Dynamic Presenting – a creative, leadership development consultancy, adapting theatre training to create leadership programs for business.

Dynamic Presenting – Enabling Powerful Communication

leadership lesson say less mean more

Leadership Lesson – Say Less, Mean More…
Posted on 20th October 2013 in Communication Skills Training, Critical Conversations, Emotional Intelligence, Leadership Development, Management Training

A leadership lesson can come in many shapes. In Al Pacino’s Looking For Richard, where Pacino examines the themes of Richard III, a passing comment from a theatre actor is “If we had learnt anything from Shakespeare, we would say less and mean more…” Simple and powerful advice for anyone, especially those in positions of leadership.

How many of us can say that we actively try to improve our ability to listen? Probably not many. Indeed from childhood onwards far more attention and importance is generally placed upon developing the ability to speak well.

By focusing our attention on the speaker, we naturally afford them and their ideas greater respect. In showing a greater respect for those who are speaking, we engender trust and others are then likely to be more open about their ideas and we stand to gain as a result. Nothing feels as good as being really listened to it would seem. Unsurprisingly, we are generally better in a first date or job interview as the newness of these situations energises our senses and we make a concerted effort to show the best of ourselves which includes good listening. Contrast this with a parental frustration with their non-listening children where the impotent command “Listen..!” usually yields nothing.

Active Listening

Active listening is particularly useful, where nodding your head, maintaining appropriate eye contact, giving small verbal signals(uh huh) and facial expressions all help to build a real dialogue without having to say anything in particular. Active listening entails not only hearing the words the other person says but also registering how they are saying it – volume, pace, tone, modulation, facial expression, posture, gesticulation.

Listening alone is pretty hard though as it is only natural to begin forming one’s own thoughts and opinions in response to what we have just heard and it’s not like we get a choice to switch off that inner monologue. Consequently the biggest challenge is to listen well until the other person has come to a halt, if they ever do. And then, if they spoke at length, as a well intentioned listener we then have to rewind the tape to revisit the salient moments in oder to base our next comment on as full an understanding as possible.

In The Moment…

Actors are trained to within an inch of their lives through rehearsals and performance to work moment to moment, placing all their attention outside of themselves and on to their acting partner in a scene, thus reacting within character to whatever external stimuli they are presented with.

Similarly great listening is the stuff of great leadership. Think of the senior people you admire within your organisation. How is their ability to listen? Do they use appropriate eye contact? Do they pause before their turn to speak? Do they use the language that you just did? Do they summarise and reflect back what you were saying before giving their perspective? If so, you are having a conversation with a great listener so make the most of it.

Listening effectively is a quiet (literally) means of building leadership credibility and also, in this noisy world which we inhabit, the most challenging. Yet it remains a seemingly simple and straightforward task.

“If we’d learnt anything from Shakespeare, we would say less and mean more.” High time many more of us put that into practice.

Sartaj Garewal is the founder of Dynamic Presenting – a creative, leadership development consultancy, adapting theatre training to create leadership programs for business.

Dynamic Presenting – Enabling Powerful Communication